Ted Cruz: The Intellectual Teapartier (and Other Oxymorons)

Everything about the TeaParty is not only antithetical to its stated purpose, but soaked in irony. With his faux filibuster, Senator Ted Cruz (R-Tx) displayed a level of conservative narcissism not seen since Family Ties, a sitcom which humorously portrayed a teenage Republican whose ambition rivaled the 1980’s Wall Street hero, Gordon Gekko. The Greed is Good concept was new and had yet to be associated with today’s massive income inequality whose seeds were sown during the 1980’s.

Social welfare, healthcare and workers’ rights were unpalatable to the Moral Majority and Reagan’s presidency marked the beginning of the end of the Middle Class. Unlike today’s society, where this economic group is almost an endangered species, we could poke fun at a selfishly capitalist conservative teen. In 2013, this would not only be unfunny, but offensive as well. Ted Cruz has embodied the worst traits of a group ruled by the id and unfettered by the superego. Millions of struggling Americans are facing Third World problems while TeaPartiers denounce them as lazy and undeserving. This is a party that believes it is ethical to take food out of poor children’s mouths while overcrowding ERs with millions of uninsured citizens. Often condoning religious dogma to supersede the teaching of science while denouncing equal rights legislation, the TeaParty is hell bent on returning to the Dark Ages. The fact this megalomaniac, Cruz is the head of this AstroTurf group shows just how insidious they are.

As impolite as it sounds, science-denying Teabaggers could aptly be called morons, but deeper analysis points to a new idea in governance: standing firmly on the principles of the oxymoron. The double entendre is the unintended consequence of Teaparty policies: gun safety, compassionate conservativism, Texas textbooks, and TeaParty intellectual. Ted and his fans are basically a group of “oxymorons” mismanaging government and holding the nation hostage. If the Founding Fathers represented the culmination of the Age of Enlightenment, this merry band of misanthropic malcontents are the denouement of democracy and the inception of anarchy. It’s funny how they claim to be patriots while being the most politically destructive force since slavery and the Confederacy in the mid-nineteenth century.

Gun Safety

Statistics show states with looser gun laws are far more deadly when it comes to firearm fatalities. Thanks to the NRA and their perversion of the 2nd Amendment,  sensible legislation is an impossibility.  True to form, the Canadian-born Rafael Cruz has championed all things harmful and dangerous, as his A+ NRA rating demonstrates. After a staggering number of mass shootings, Cruz continues his crusade to eliminate the most minuscule regulations, failing to protect the most common victims of gun accidents, children. Naturally, the idea of guns marketed for children is not at all surprising for a man who raved about Ashton Kutcher and Duck Dynasty in his 21 hour faux filibuster.  Cruz and his TeaParty terrorists have repeatedly legislated in favor of the death-machine manufacturers. Responsible gun ownership and safety is really just a way of justifying corporate profit over human lives.

Compassionate Conservatism

The GOP and its insanely right wing TeaParty claim to be the party of “Christ.”  The Golden Rule doesn’t apply to a Congress who voted to cut $4 billion per year from the very poor while granting millions in farm and oil subsidies.  Conservatives have hijacked a New Testament quote stating “If a man will not work, he shall not eat.”  (Thessalonians 3:10)
to mean only those who work hard should eat, condemning children, the elderly and the handicapped.  Jesus preached tolerance and charity, according to the scriptures.  Selective charity is certainly not divine.  Ted Cruz, whose father is a minister, legislates contrary to the teachings of his god.  Ted idolizes the late Senator Jesse Helms who proposed eradicating the Equal Rights Amendment and was a huge racist.  Cruz actually said, we need 100 like Jesse Helms in the Senate. Shameful.

Texas Textbooks

Many of our public schools rely on textbooks printed, largely, in Texas.  This would not be a problem if Texas legislators, especially those favored by the TeaParty, weren’t concerned with changing history and science.  Not only have they sanitized history to rename the slave trade The Atlantic Triangular Trade, they also rename capitalism the free-enterprise system to mask the evils of a system based on exploitation of labor.  Texas also has inserted the ridiculously unscientific theory of Creationism to supplant the teaching of evolution.  The TeaParty is proud of religious mythology, so much so it is on a par with proven science.  The idea of any educational tools originating in a state so rooted in convoluted logic is as ridiculous as the TeaParty deciding anything of importance.

Teaparty Intellectual 

When Cruz emerged on the national scene as a member of the 112th Congress, he was a rare find, an Ivy League-educated debate champion. Bragging about the Libertarian principles he so espouses, he has moved the party so far right, no possible compromise could ever be reached. Thanks to this intellectual we are literally minutes from the first government shutdown since 1995, a move denounced by many prominent members of his party. Taking the hard line, ‘if you fail to defund Obamacare we will not agree to any budget deal’, is not a popular stance among the more moderates like Rep Tom Cole (R-OK) and Rep Peter King (R-NY) who are willing to compromise with the occasional sane members of the GOP. Ted Cruz has a very unsavory reputation which leaves many unhappy with his techniques of intimidation to pass his extremist ideology. Senator John Cain referred to Cruz as a f@&kin dick which was the most endearing statement to emerge from McCain in quite some time.

Paralleling the infamous Joe McCarthy with Senator Cruz not just in political paranoia, but actual physical resemblance makes this guy even more appropriate as the leader of a political hate group disguised as anything but. So now, as I finish this article, the federal government is officially closed. This petulant toddler of a Senator has achieved a shameful milestone in TeaParty obstructionist history.

Update: October 17th, the government is open, Teabagger-incurred crisis averted but with a severe blemish. Teaparty-Americans were able to provide another oxymoron. They were protesting the closure of national monuments with the folks who closed the government, while donning Confederate flags. It almost makes your head spin.

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